"You seem to be having some trouble. The text over here is clickable, but the text right next to it, which looks basically the same isn't. Simple, right? I love 'buttons'!"

"You seem to be having some trouble. I find clicking on everything randomly until you figure out what each piece of the web-page does works best for me!"

"You seem to be having some trouble - have you tried using this website on a phone?"

Surely the last one should be:

"You don't seem to be having _enough_ trouble - have you tried using this website on a phone?"

"Tip: Long-form text entry works best on a 5" or smaller screen!"

It looks like you're having some trouble understanding the purposes of our many different circular icons with squiggly things inside them, would you like some help?

No thanks but sensible alt attributes and hover labels would be a great start ;)

That just results in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystery_meat_navigation

How can we rehabilitate hover labels (and alt-text) when you would also expect a significant fraction of visitors using touchscreens ?

A familiar face in this brave new world of hamburger menus and hieroglyphs!

Reminds me of this music video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4taIpALfAo